I was reluctant to be the subject of this photograph. Definitely more so than Katie and the dogs in 1885. Maybe if I was accompanied by dogs, I would’ve felt more at ease. I guess we’ll never know.
I think in a photo setup such as this one, it’s a bit easier to allow oneself to be shown, than in the masc presenting outfits Alice had her friends wear. Yet still, my reluctance is more than evident. However, while at the Alice Austen house, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I felt more than at ease – albeit, you wouldn’t think that by looking at my portrait.
I think when it comes to photography, especially Alice’s, it’s easy to be in awe of the moments captured, as they transport us to another time. However, it’s also easy to forget the vulnerability of the subject in allowing themselves to be captured.
The LGBTQ+ community has been targeted and attacked since the beginning of western civilization, and maybe even before. Joy and vulnerability are expensive, and not afforded to everyone. Even when they are accessible, the capacity to experience them doesn’t always exist. So as I sit here with this photo, looking at my own discomfort, I can understand how even Alice’s community at that time could still struggle with their essence being captured. I don’t think my discomfort is a foreign concept, it’s just a vulnerable one.
